Hidden behind my mask of fake happiness
It will never chip away,
Never chip away.
I lye in my silence,
All the colors have faded away,
Nothing but darkness engulfs my world.
I barry myself in the work of the day,
Let everything else melt away,
Let it melt away.
The distance just became further,
Scars from old wounds have started to bleed,
I let it bleed freely.
The string keeps dangling in front of my eyes,
Why cant I catch it,
Why cant I hold it,
Just out of my reach every time.
Through the despair in me I realize,
Happiness will never really be mine,
Never mine.
Modern Day Way
Nothing but a drop down,
In modern society,
A raise in the economy,
Advertised as happy,
When you buy something.
No longer simple,
Easy,
A modern day frenzy.
Habit of the people.
It's all about the money,
No family,
No faith.
Sorry little buddy,
But Santa's been replaced,
By a modern day sales company,
With limos and jeeps,
Cause Rudolf's that meat you see,
Sitting on your plate.
Nothing but a modern day nothing,
A forgotten way,
Here comes Christmas,
In a modern day place.
Broken
Broken glass and falling tears,
You'll never know, that I was never here.
Afraid and useless,
Lost and knowing it,
Try not to mind me, I'm just broken.
Patched up with electric tape,
Hiding from the lies and pain,
Don't expect true happiness,
I'm hurt, dead, and screaming.
Take it slow, not too fast,
No one to blame, stuck on my past,
Memories that mean to hurt me,
Too late they've already killed me.
Caught in the dark,
And very broken.
No one's better,
I'm just not worth it.
Tears are falling, I have no hold.
Fighting my mind knowing it will win.
Fought these thoughts, but lost again,
Paranoid and over my head.
I wish I could hate you,
Turn my back and leave you.
But I am all human,
Not at all special,
Just fragile.
Perhaps it's just me
Resentful and unpleased.
I hate myself for caring,
For loving and getting angry,
Even for me hating,
I hate that you can hurt me,
Put me down,
Use me,
Then burn me.
I hate myself for not yelling,
And I hate myself for crying,
For being afraid,
For trusting.
I wish I could change it,
Put a fork in it and be finished,
Hang it out to dry,
Then burn it,
Then I can be done with it,
But I hate myself for not doing it,
For fighting loneliness,
Instead of giving into it.
What did you think was going to happen?
Brake the silence, stop the madness,
Did you think you'd be excepted,
Loved,
Protected?
Were you hoping for something,
Maybe a feeling or meaning.
Something other than the lonliness,
The pain,
And this sadness.
This was never your place,
Your home,
Your space.
These people were never your friends,
Confidence,
Or comfort.
Was it really supposed to happen the way you hoped it would?
Were you meant to feel whole,
Complete,
Not alone and on your own.
You were hoping...
I was hoping,
That I finaly belonged.
you ask how i am
i say bright sunny skies
but you'd know the truth
if you'd look in my eyes
im barely here
im scared to exist
ive aimed for the sky
but ive shot and ive missed
im against the edge
ive got nowhere to go
if i was to fall
would you ever know?
ive given my best
its never enough
i put on a smile
but life calls my bluff
its time to give up
it will never make sense
because its all ill hear
the sound of silence
maybe some day
ill get something right
but until that day comes
ill sit alone here at night
and think back on my life
and the things ive done wrong
ill keep my head up
and pretend that im strong
people wonder why
i am the way i am
somedays i even wonder
why i give a damn
every day i seem to fall
but i cant land on my feet
im not sure why
but i still cant sleep
its 3 in the morning
and its a clear night sky
but it feels like rain
and theres a tear in my eye
i dont have an answer
at least one worth giving
but i guess thats my life
and its still worth living
you go your way
you live your life
its not your fault
but youre like a knife
you flash your smile
and i die inside
you scare me
in whom do i confide?
i turn on the radio
get lost in the song
but youre on my mind
and so before long
i get that feeling again
and it wont go away
i cant find the words
the words i need to say
and so i sit
my back to the wall
im nearing the edge
how soon till i fall?
Current Residence: Behind you Favourite genre of music: Almost anything that isn't rap...god I hate rap... Operating System: Mac OS X MP3 player of choice: ipod Favourite cartoon character: Darkwing Duck Personal Quote: I lost my mind again, I swear I gotta put a homing beacon on that shit.
Favourite Movies
Too many to name
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Argh...I just like good music
Favourite Writers
Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Laurell K. Hamilton, Edgar Allen Poe
Favourite Games
I'll be honest, I like the Jak games
Favourite Gaming Platform
PS2
Tools of the Trade
CS2, CS3, My classic pencils and paint
Other Interests
Art, music, books, and anything that can hold my attention longer than five minutes
Hey, I set up another account on here to be a little more 'professional' the username is MandaLynn02 if you want to check it out. It's a lot of the same things as here though.
"Everybody does things that suit their own interests, even when they say it's for you."
"Exercise: because it's better than me hitting you."
"I'm not going to hit you. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I don't want to, it's because I hearing your crying would annoy me."